Time of the Year Again

Everybody functions on cycles. One time of the year, they may be really happy and the other time they might be really depressed. I can say I've hit that low mark of the year. So many things are coming up in the next few weeks, even months, that I don't want to deal with. Let's start with the most superficial one, because that's what everyone wants to know about, right? Hahahaha I'm worried that I'm not going to have a date for prom. Everyone that I wanted to ask already has someone else in mind...so I don't know what to do. I want to go to prom and I'd want to go with a date, or else there would be no point in going. Also, I think I'm going to give up on the good life because the good life has someone else in mind already. I didn't want to admit it before, but it was made apparent to this week. I've lost my time and there's no way for me to get it back. Next on my list of depression is the problem I don't want to deal with. I need to deal with this person, but I don't want to. Call me a coward for running away from my problems, but the good life is making me deal with this. This is the only way to make amends with everything. I think I'm just going to be serious and firm with this problem. No extraneous talking, just answering all of the questions I am asked. That's all, I don't want to make up. I won't tell her what's on my mind though, cuz then all hell will be let loose. I can destroy people with the thoughts in my head...LOL my thoughts are so arrogant. I hope I don't come off as arrogant hahahaha...that'd be bad. Speaking of first impressions, I hope I'll enjoy college next year. I want to enjoy it the best I can, but I don't see how I will. I'm leaving everybody I know and going to a school that's really...to themselves. Speaking of college, I'm worried that I won't get enough money to get into the college I want to go to. Money makes the world go around and frankly, I don't have enough to get an education.


I guess I feel better letting it all out. I'm still kinda :[ though lol.
Keep posted.

-nweezyf

Manners and common sense

I seriously thought everyone was born with common sense because manners are taught. I know you have manners; all parents teach their kids some manners. I know you have common sense, cuz you're so similar to me and I'm pretty fucking logical (sorry to seem arrogant, it's just that I base all my actions on weighing decisions and probabilities and other stuff like that and to me, that is logic). So if I let you talk and listen to you without interrupting you and just being there for you, I would think you would do the same for me. I thought that our relationship is a two-way street, but I guess it's only when we agree. When we don't agree, you turn into something else and start arguing and close that two-way street into a dead end. In the end, I forget what I wanted to say, but all that anger and bitterness is still there. Normally, I'd look over this, but this has gone long enough. I'm a patient person, I look over many things. I'm forgiving and people don't realize that what I do, I do on purpose. By nature I am a paranoid person and I cover up all of my tracks, so I'm never doing anything without knowing its consequences. But when you start arguing my rants...that's going too far. How do you expect me to tell you anything when every time I try to, I get a full on debate with it? Like water, I'll take the path of least resistance LOL school nerd :P If every time I get a debate, I might as well shut up and suck it up and not say anything.

I guess this can go under "Things that annoy Kevin". For sure, this is one of them. I like blogging, it gives me a chance to talk to myself. Ahhhh, I thought I could never get mad at you...but you proved me wrong. FUCK ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I hate being angry. It's just a nasty negative feeling. I'll update later.


Keep posted
-nweezy

Selfless vs Selfish

So Tet is coming up and I'm pretty excited. Except for the fact that our dragon dancing group is a bit smaller this year, it's okay. We can take this as a learning opportunity and create a chance for us to adapt. Although this year we are smaller, we got booked to big places. We are dancing at the Morongo! How exciting! This year is going to be a big year for us, I can tell. I feel it, but I also feel bad because I have been skipping out on practice. What kind of role model can I be to the newbies if I keep ditching practice. I have a feeling that they don't like me very much. I'm not there often and I will yell at them if they mess up. Maybe I need to be nicer and try to encourage instead of telling them what they did wrong in a mean way. But they already have that kind of figure on the team, so maybe I should be the discipline. Well whatever it is, I know that this gig is going to be a lot of $$$.

Which brings me to my topic of the day. Chinese New Years, or Tet, is my only source of income for the whole year, besides the food money I get from my parents when I go out. My Tet money is the money I get to spend on my own. But 90% of all my Tet money goes to gifts and presents to my friends for their birthdays and Christmas. I barely get any for myself, but it's okay. All the things I want are totally superficial and is not worth my time. My friends' happiness is all that matters to me. I have a grip of close friends so I have to fulfill my duty and give them what they want. Whatever I want, I can find on sale because I am Vietnamese. Vietnamese people always find the best deals in the world and I am of no exception to that wonderful stereotype. Every time I go shopping with people, we always find the best deals on the most random pieces of fun.

But I would be lying if I said I didn't want more things. I feel bad if I don't give my friends gifts for their special day though. This is quite a dilemma for me: whose happiness do I put forth? Mine or my friends. I know the answer to that already. My friends. I don't think people understand how much love I have for other people. They think they know, but they really have no clue. If we were in a dangerous situation, I make sure I would take care of EVERYONE and if that means killing myself for their food, I'd do it. Maybe that's a bit too far LOL but that's the only way I can explain it. HAHAHA that's creepy.....

What's even more creepy is that I laugh to myself when I blog...

'Til next time
-nweezyf

Appreciation

If there's one thing I have to do, it's a shout out to all my friends that helped me and make me feel good no matter what.

Brandon: You're like my brother man. We've been through so much together from roaming the streets of Chinatown to just bummin' it around Torrance. There's nothing you wouldn't do for me and me for you. You're my battle buddy, my best buddy, a true buddy.

Mimi: Not enough words can describe how god you make me feel. You're always so positive around me and that influences me to be more positive. You try to help whenever you can and I appreciate that a lot. No one can replace you, not ever. bfffth,b <3

Jane: I feel you reject my love a lot, but I truly do love you Jane Park. I admire you and how you tackle your problems in life, whether it be school or your own personal life. You influence me and how I choose my actions. You're always entertaining to talk to because you have so much to say for such a little person. Like I said, you're organized, you're diligent, and you have your priorities all in order. You're one of the people I aspire to be like, Jane.

The Group: I can count on y'all to help me brighten my day. Each and every one of you are unique and special and bring something to the group that only makes us bond closer together. I'm grateful that I got to spend 4 years in high school with you guys. Without you guys, I wouldn't be the person I am today, whatever that means :P I love y'all.

These are just a few of the great friends I have. I'm afraid I can't write for you all because I don't have enough time, but I want you guys to know that I love you guys too and you aren't forgotten.

Happy New Years everyone!

keep checking

--nweezy

update

Things are going smoothly in life right now. All I gotta do right now is just fix up those things that I screwed up on. I think I need to show my friends how much I really care for them. Yeah, I think that's what I need to do to make my life that much better.


I'm over her. Been over. People been asking "Oh how do you feel about......." but to be honest, I don't care. Lol iono, it's just weird. All this time, I been wanting to get her attention but realized that it's just not worth it. I think I needed that third party intervention to get me off this path that I'm on. Honestly, I'm grateful for it. I can be carefree and do what I want to do. I'm not worrying and stressing over unnecessary things anymore, it's just me and my free mind.

A new personal goal for me: get stronger, get more cut, and find someone new. I know I said I wouldn't try, but I can look, can't I? :P This year, senior year, should be the year I cross everything off my to-do list. Getting things done and being efficient. That's what I want to do.

I'll update soon again. Keep posted.

--nweezy

nweezy talks

hey yo it's your boi nweezyfbaby niggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
LOL
imagine if i really talked like that
hahahahaha i'd kill myself. i'm fine if i talk just a bit like that, but i really wouldn't like it if i talked like that ever single day 24/7.


hmm since this has been my 4th entry, i can say i'm off all that dark shit
i've realized that i'm gonna give up on girls. girls are retarded; they don't know what's good for them. they always wanna go for the guy that's unreachable when the guy (who's just as good) is in their faces. they're always chasing guys who'll screw them over and fuck up and treat them wrongly. whatever, this year's just gonna be all me and the homies. just me and my friends, i'm not gonna over-exert myself for someone who won't appreciate the effort. i'm good.


on another note, let's talk music
i really really really really really really really really love rap. like no joke, when i'm by myself, i turn on my mp3 player (I REALLY WANT AN ITOUCH) and put that thing on loud and just blast my rap music. i mean there are days when i feel mellow, so i listen to jack johnson, taylor swift, etc. nawmeen, but i like rap. like i can't imagine being crazy about rock, even though some of it ain't bad, but i can't. i need that heavy bass and the slick flow and the creative lines that makes my mind go WOW, this fool's nuts.. rock doesn't do that. also, there are my techno days, where i just want to head bang all day
LOL
but yeah, nawmeen if i didn't have my rap, i would be like -.- all day. fuuuuck i'm addicted.



but yeah, as i said before, my shit's like gold. it's worth a lot AND it's meaningful.
whoever reads this, keep posted because i'll update this sooner. ya digg?


-nweezyfbaby

Nuclear bomb on Nweezy

like the title says, a bomb dropped on me
dunno how bad the damage is, but from the looks of it, it's not so bad
i mean, i can still function and do my day-to-day needs
but fuck, there's still that part of me where it feels like i failed--miserably
like i tried my hardest, but my hardest wasn't good enough
also, i don't want to hold anyone back. if i am, i'm gonna have to change for that person, no matter how much i don't want to. it's crazy, but that's who i am. my friends first and me after. people can call me unselfish and a good person and all that nice shit, but i know who the fuck i am
i'm fucking kevin nguyen and those are just my morals and values. they're what i believe in and you don't have to congratulate me just because i have good morals. honestly, i'm kind of sick of being the nice guy, because they never get shit. and when i tried to do shit, i went too far and too fast and i end up getting nothing either. what i wish for now is to have everything go back to the way it was before the bomb. i wish i had never said anything because i knew it wouldn't have worked out in the end. but like everyone, i was a fool and i experimented. but i can't say that i didn't enjoy it. truth be told, i loved it. i loved every second of it. i loved every feeling of it, but i can do without the pain haha. i loved the thrill, the chase, the hunt, and the attack. it made me feel more alive than i ever had before, in my 17 years of living. so in all actuality, i'm pretty glad i took this chance. but it still pains me to think that i'm holding the one person i care about the most back. and in order for that person to advance as a human being, i have to change my feelings. i'm good with that, because in return i get my friend back. no mater how bad i want it, i don't think it's ever going to come. but now here comes the important question: what happens when i've finally moved on and i'm the one that gets chased. what'll i do then? will i go back to the way i was, or would i brush it off and look forward? i believe that everything happens for a reason, but a special part in my heart is reserved and will always be reserved for that person. i don't even know why i fell so hard, shit. i thought i knew, but thinking back it's really ridankulous. as of now, i'm fine but i'm constantly thinking about that night. i'm willing to do anything for that person, even if it means to shun that person from my life forever. but luckily i don't have to because we homies for life. no joke. i don't know why, but without going into relationships, i might be feeling love for this person. haha it's kinda far-fetched but no joke, it feels like that. if i think about it, i could imagine us together in 10 years, but i'll never admit it haha. all i'm curious now is that what's gonna happen


keep checking back because i'll keep you posted
even though my readers will probably be just me hahaha
it's just a good way to get shit off my chest because i can't find another person like me to talk to

-nweezyf