No matter what I do, I can't do anything right. I always end up messing something up in one way or another and it irritates me because I don't like failing. I have the perfect girlfriend: she's so kind, sincere, loving, beautiful, smart, intelligent, funny, genuine, desiring, understandable, caring, just a damn good person and I can't be the person she deserves. Instead I'm a person who always makes her life miserable, stressful, and I just add unnecessary stress. I told myself that when I wanted to become her boyfriend, I wanted to be the type of person who will always make her happy because I feel like she deserves someone who treats her the way she should be treated. Instead, I can't do that. I fail. I don't mean to start fights, but I can't help it. If I prevent myself from doing one thing, something else slips and we fight. I hate fighting because it makes us both feel bad and I hate ending a conversation with both parties feeling bad. I don't want this relationship to end, but I can't seem to get my actions under control. I feel like if I don't get on my shit right, and keep it tight and on lock down, I will end up losing her and it will all be my fault. I don't even know how our fights start, and it seems be over something that can easily be talked out, but we both get frustrated and nothing good ever comes from that. I'm supposed to be the man, I have to take control of my actions and the situation. If I can't even communicate correctly with my significant other, how the hell am I supposed to succeed in anything in my life?? I just fail...
Keep posted,
--nweezy
Monday, April 11, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Been a while
It's been a while, but I think I'll blog tonight. Usually, my blogs are a way for me to vent when I have no one to talk to because I think the best person to talk to is myself...no matter how arrogant and cocky that sounds it's true. I have nothing to complain about because my life is going almost perfect. I have a person who I can count on no matter what because she's just amazing. Jennifer, I am really lucky to have you because you're always so dedicated to this relationship even though I feel like I'm not. I know that I can always count on you and you make me so happy :] It's a shame that you're so far away from me, but it makes every moment we share even more special.
The only thing that's missing from my life are my old friends. I miss all of them..maybe because I haven't seen them in two and a half months. THAT'S INSANE, and totally unplanned. I planned on going home every 3 weeks, but this quarter has been too intense and busy. I miss BJK and everybody else including Chris, Jared, Grace, Sharon, and Mimi! =/ I'll see them soon this spring break though. FOR SUREEEE!
College is cool and all, but it isn't home. I sit here sometimes, when I take a break from work, and all I can think about are the old times I had in high school. They were the best times of my life because that was when all I had to worry about was high school shit. High School shit is nothing like college shit, holy shit. I had the best laughs of life in high school with the people I care about the most. I feel like I will go home a different person and everybody will acknowledge that and feel even more distant from me. That's my biggest fear in the world: to be rejected by the close people in my life. If I can't depend on them anymore, I have nothing else to go home to. My family and temple aren't enough for me to make the trip back home, even though i miss the all. My friends make up a big part of my life; I act how they act. We're all so similar it's amazing. For them to reject me means that they know I am different, in a bad way. But hopefully it won't end up that way. I try my best to keep in touch with people but, I realized that if we are close enough, I won't have to worry about that. Like with me and Jennifer's situation, even though I don't see my friends everyday, that means we all cherish our conversations and our moments even more. That eases my mind a bit, but not all the way. I still try to prove to my friends that I am always here for them whenever they need me, but I guess they've all grown up and become more independent :'[ my skills aren't needed anymore LOL jk. I got no skills. But yeah, minus this homesickness thing, my life ain't that bad. Got booked to Morongo this past lunar new year, and we made $$, just not me specifically HAHAH gambling sucks...but yeah. Maybe I'll keep updating this blog. Maybe.
Keep posted,
--nweezyf
The only thing that's missing from my life are my old friends. I miss all of them..maybe because I haven't seen them in two and a half months. THAT'S INSANE, and totally unplanned. I planned on going home every 3 weeks, but this quarter has been too intense and busy. I miss BJK and everybody else including Chris, Jared, Grace, Sharon, and Mimi! =/ I'll see them soon this spring break though. FOR SUREEEE!
College is cool and all, but it isn't home. I sit here sometimes, when I take a break from work, and all I can think about are the old times I had in high school. They were the best times of my life because that was when all I had to worry about was high school shit. High School shit is nothing like college shit, holy shit. I had the best laughs of life in high school with the people I care about the most. I feel like I will go home a different person and everybody will acknowledge that and feel even more distant from me. That's my biggest fear in the world: to be rejected by the close people in my life. If I can't depend on them anymore, I have nothing else to go home to. My family and temple aren't enough for me to make the trip back home, even though i miss the all. My friends make up a big part of my life; I act how they act. We're all so similar it's amazing. For them to reject me means that they know I am different, in a bad way. But hopefully it won't end up that way. I try my best to keep in touch with people but, I realized that if we are close enough, I won't have to worry about that. Like with me and Jennifer's situation, even though I don't see my friends everyday, that means we all cherish our conversations and our moments even more. That eases my mind a bit, but not all the way. I still try to prove to my friends that I am always here for them whenever they need me, but I guess they've all grown up and become more independent :'[ my skills aren't needed anymore LOL jk. I got no skills. But yeah, minus this homesickness thing, my life ain't that bad. Got booked to Morongo this past lunar new year, and we made $$, just not me specifically HAHAH gambling sucks...but yeah. Maybe I'll keep updating this blog. Maybe.
Keep posted,
--nweezyf
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